I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
