someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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