Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
