Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
