im about as happy as oj after his trial
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
