Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
