So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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