A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
