I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think my fart just growled at me.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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