Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
They took my balls.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
