hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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