How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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