For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
