i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
