God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
