There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
