Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
