We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my being single is dangerous.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
