I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
