I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
