you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize