The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
