you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
