I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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