Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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