What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
