im having a threesome with these popsicles
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
