i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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