i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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