I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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