It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
