i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
