dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
