Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
