I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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