Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
