The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
