Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
