I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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