HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize