He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
