You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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