A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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