Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
