oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
