Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
