I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
