I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
