So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
