If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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