So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
