I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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