I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
