he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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