whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
