I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
