So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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