can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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