Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
