Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
