All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
