Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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