I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
