She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
