I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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