know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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