The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
