I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
