we're blogging at a bar
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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