Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
