Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
