just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
