i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
