if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
