listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The Olympian is in my bed
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
