glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
