why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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